2024: What Would Valerie Do?
For a year, I let my closest friend's style and attitude be the guide for how I approached my usual fear of judgement.
Growing up I was afraid of that kind of carefree energy. I was afraid of being perceived, or giving out energy without it being reciprocated. And something about her style really highlighted to me that some people give energy because they want to for themselves, not because they expect anything back.
Now, I've known Valerie since roughly 2015. I met her at Camp Fyrefly, a queer youth camp hosted in our area. Having her as a friend really helped me maintain some resilience as a trans kid. Even after the camp was over, we'd continue to meet up at a local youth centre, and she'd invite me to her place fairly often. She was always inviting positive energy and made it easy to partake in that positivity.
Fast-forward to 2023. We were at that year's Fur-Eh, waiting in line to see FUR-EH! THE MUSICAL. As the line took longer, she started doing Capoeira moves, just to herself. Cartwheels, high kicks and low kicks, doing her ginga movement. It was distressing, there were people around her not being hit but certainly coming close, as is the nature of Capoeria as play. Contact is not the goal, movement and conversation is.
Looking back, maybe it was a bit silly and not the best idea for a crowded group of people waiting in line to have someone dancing around them. But it showed me what a total lack of fear of judgement looked like. My second-hand embarrassment disappeared and became a more direct question of "is this dangerous or is this just having fun?" and once more of a space cleared around her, yeah, she was absolutely just having fun. I thought of it as a "Valerie Thing To Do" but it made me back up and realize that her whole life I've been watching her do "Valerie Things" with secondhand-embarrassment, and I felt I could stand to learn from her confidence and willingness to move her body without judgement.
After the convention was over, I started to ask myself what a good "theme" for next year would be. I'd heard of themes before in-place of new year's resolutions, and thought that it'd be a nice way to feel like something was being done as a process, not a win/fail endgoal. With Valerie's movements in my recent memory, I felt I should honour the way she interfaced with the world as a way to change my own feelings of self-critique and fear of judgement. When I'm faced with self-doubt, or worries about how others will see me, I'll just ask: "What Would Valerie Do?
She's always been a gift to me and anybody she's met, and I think acting less on what other people will think and more on what I want was absolutely what I needed in my life. Her way of being both caring and carefree made me feel like I owe it to myself to show a lot more self-love, and that it synthesizes well with the kindness I already want to show to others.
2024 has come and passed, but my favourite part about this theme is that if the topic of new year's resolutions came up with friends, I'd bring up my theme, and I'd also get to explain what a fantastic person Valerie is. I wanted to share that kind of wonder and whimsy with the people that I'd meet.
